Cameron Leahy’s Unabridged Dictionary (First Edition)
Are you as tired as I am of dictionaries and their pompous definitions of words? Like, who are you, dictionary, to tell me that a “diphthong” isn’t an individual who likes to dip their thong in stuff? And howyougonna act like you know every word there is to know? Who do you think you are, dictionary? Who the fuck do you think you are?!
Well guess what? I’m starting my own dictionary. Sure, It’s not going to be “thorough” or “published”. And it will be printed on paper towel rolls. But don’t stick up your nose at literature just because it’s not bound in leather! Get off your high horse!
And OKAY. I’m not actually going to know all the words I’m defining. I’ll probably even make up some words to sound smart (ninjaism, irraticability, procrasticious).
Point is, my dictionary comes with a free CD of ocean sounds for you to fall asleep to… and a dollar. Okay FIVE DOLLARS. Jesus why don’t you just put a gun to my head? TEN DOLLARS, the soothing sounds of a sun-drenched ocean shore, and a free 10% off coupon for your next visit to Smoothie King.
Just buy my dictionary.
